30 Principles of Gratitude
By Joel Wong, Ph.D.
7 Foundational (Mindset) Principles
1. Principle of abundance
– this is the secret sauce of gratitude. People who have an abundance mindset believe that life has not just been fair to them but very generous to them. They view their life through the prism of grace and the gifts they have received. People with this mindset are likely to be grateful. By contrast, people who have a deprivation mindset believe life has been unfair to them. An abundance mindset isn’t just a function of our objective circumstances but also reflects our mindset. We can cultivate a sense of abundance by reflecting on instances in which we’ve been pleasantly surprised, we’ve received more than we deserved or expected, and others have been exceedingly kind to us. The abundance mindset is a form of joyful humility.
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2. Principle of the gift mindset
– this involves reducing our sense of entitlement, that is, our demands (should and musts) on others and on the world. A sense of entitlement is one of the greatest enemies of gratitude. Conversely, the gift mindset recognizes that the world doesn’t revolve around us or owe us a living. Because we live in an imperfect world, we don’t expect that others will be unfailingly kind to us. When we reduce our demands on others, we are better able to appreciate others’ goodness and to see the blessings from others as gifts to us, not just as acts of duty or what is rightfully due to us. We’re also more forgiving toward others who have wronged us. When we adopt a gift mindset, we’re also more humble and grateful. We can cultivate a gift mindset by focusing on the following external sources of goodness that are freely given to us: (a) the good things we’ve received, which we didn’t pay for; (b) the good things people do for us that go beyond the call of duty or what’s required of them; (c) the goodness conferred by God or a divine power (if this is consistent with your spiritual beliefs); (d) good luck, destiny, or circumstances beyond your control; (e) the goodness of nature and aesthetics that we didn’t create; and (f) macro sources of goodness, such as societal and citizenship rights and historical events.
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3. Principle of contentment
– instead of being consumed by envy or obsession with success, we replace the demands (should and musts) we place on ourselves with flexible goals and preferences. Contentment doesn’t imply a lack of ambition, but when we’re content, we’re less perfectionistic, less harsh on ourselves, better able to treat ourselves with kindness, and have fewer regrets. When we’re content, our self-esteem is not dependent on our success in life. Instead, we appreciate the progress we’ve made in life and celebrate our simple successes and pleasures. We’re also more likely to be pleasantly surprised by the blessings in our lives. Contentment breeds gratitude, and gratitude is the gateway to contentment.
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4. Principle of joyful dependency
– gratitude involves the joyful and willing acknowledgement of our dependency on others. We reject the notion that people who depend on others are weak. Instead, we acknowledge the reality that mutual dependency strengths our interpersonal bonds with others, makes us better human beings, and is an intrinsic part of the human experience. While we reject a form of dependency in which our lives are utterly controlled by others, we similarly refuse to live a life of extreme self-sufficiency that fosters narcissism and loneliness. We’re willing to ask for help when we need it. By being grateful, we admit we need others and that our success is not solely due to our hard work and abilities but also includes the contributions of others to our lives.
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5. Principle of promoting goodness
– we practice gratitude not just to feel good but also to do good. Gratitude is a force for good in this world. We believe that gratitude perpetuates goodness in our world. Gratitude provides recognition of another person’s goodness to us, confers blessings on recipients by communicating that they matter to us, motivates us to do good, and inspires recipients and witnesses of gratitude to continue doing good.
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6. Principle of precious goodness
– we acknowledge that goodness is precious and does not exist in unlimited supply. We live in a world where evil, suffering, and oppression co-exist alongside goodness, kindness, and beauty. We accept, rather than deny, our negative emotions and negative experiences. Paradoxically, embracing the preciousness of goodness and confronting the reality of pain and suffering can help us live more meaningful lives and become more grateful. Instead of taking good things and people for granted, we take them as granted. When we acknowledge that evil and suffering exists in this world, we also recognize instances when bad things could have happened, but didn’t, as evidence of goodness. When we acknowledge our struggles, sometimes, we’re better able to appreciate the support we’ve received from others. When we consider our past failures, we’re better able to notice the progress we’ve made over time. When we notice other people’s pain, we become more aware of how fortunate, lucky, or blessed we are.
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7. Principle of prioritizing goodness
– complementing the principle of precious goodness, this principle challenges us to spend at least half our time and mental energy celebrating goodness in our lives, the world, and in others. Our minds, not just our objective circumstances, are the engines of gratitude. While we accept the reality of suffering and evil, we refuse to be consumed by the tyranny of cynicism, self-pity, and resentment. We go out of the way to identify goodness in our lives, others, and in this world. For every negative thought we have about ourselves, others, and the world, we intentionally seek to fill our minds with grateful thoughts.
23 Practical Principles of Gratitude
Awareness of Goodness (paying attention to goodness)
1. Principle of frequency
– practice gratitude frequently and every day – mentally give thanks throughout the day. Also develop habits of gratitude – find a specific time, day, and place to practice gratitude.
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2. Principle of micro gratitude
– pay attention to the simple and ordinary positive things in our lives that we take for granted.
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3. Principle of variety
– broaden our understanding of the types of good things we can be grateful for – these include (a) enjoyable experiences, (b) accomplishments, (c) conveniences (things that make our lives better or more convenient); (d) societal rights; (e) experiences of mattering – perceiving that others value us and that we’ve an opportunity to make a positive difference; (f) meaningful experiences, including opportunities to fulfill fundamental human needs and to live out one’s values or purpose in life; (g) spiritual experiences; (h) bad things that could have but didn’t happen, (i) relief from suffering, (j) insights in life, (k) opportunities to develop character strengths, (l) experiences of awe, e.g., witnessing something that is profoundly grand and beautiful; and (j) good things that happened to others who are important to us.
4. Principle of diverse life domains
– express gratitude for different areas of our lives, e.g., health, family, friendships, hobbies, work, etc.
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5. Lifespan principle
– consider the entire span of our lives, including different periods of our lives (e.g., childhood) for which we can be grateful.
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6. Principle of macro gratitude
– reflect on the most important events, experiences, things, and people throughout our lives for which we’re grateful. One example is a positive turning point—an event or experience in the past that led to significant positive change in our current lives, such as a change in our circumstances, identities or core beliefs.
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7. Principle of redemptive gratitude
– suffering can be a gateway to experiencing gratitude if we focus on the positive outcomes of a stressful experience; these include (a) the support we received from others, (b) deeper interpersonal relationships as a result of the stressor, (c) no longer taking the positive things in life for granted, becoming more appreciative of life; (d) recognizing what we could have but didn’t lose; averting a potentially disastrous or a deadly outcome; (e) becoming more resilient; (f) gaining new insights or wisdom; (g) developing character strengths as a result of adversity (e.g., forgiveness and patience); (h) compassion for others; (i) new opportunities that would not have become available but for the stressor; (j) relief from suffering; (k) becoming more spiritual or religious; and (l) changing one’s priorities to focus on what truly matters.
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Appreciation of Goodness (deepening our valuing of goodness)
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8. Writing principle
– writing about what we’re grateful for deepens our experience of gratitude and provides a potentially permanent record that will help us remember what we’re grateful for in the future. Practice daily gratitude journaling.
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9. Principle of mutual disclosure
– practice sharing what we’re grateful for in a group or in dyads. Listen to and positively respond to others’ stories of gratitude (e.g., tell them how their stories of gratitude moved us).
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10. Principle of remembrance
– create visual reminders and/or rituals to celebrate and remember major positive events and people in our lives.
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11. Principle of savoring
– slow down and intentionally attend to positive experiences using our five senses of touch, sight, smell, taste, and hearing, e.g., slowly enjoy a cup of coffee and pay attention to its aroma and taste.
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12. Principle of specificity
– be specific about what we’re grateful for. We deepen our appreciation of goodness when we provide reasons for why we’re grateful. Answer the question, “I’m grateful for/to…because…” Challenge ourselves to explore multiple reasons for gratitude or multiple people/ things we’re grateful to/for in connection to a single event or experience.
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13. Principle of adaptive comparisons
– instead of engaging in unhealthy social comparisons, we become more grateful if we compare our current lives with: (a) our past by emphasizing how our lives have improved; and (c) those who are in more difficult circumstances by empathizing with and extending compassion to them.
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14. Principle of temporal scarcity
– our appreciation of the benefits in our lives increases when we perceive them to be of limited duration or in limited supply, e.g., imagine that our loved ones have only one month left to live.
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15. Principle of positive mental subtraction
– we’re more appreciative of the goodness in our lives if we can imagine what our lives would be like if something or someone positive never exist.
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Attribution of Goodness to our Benefactors and Our Affectionate Response to Them​
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16. Principle of mattering
– gratitude interactions are fundamentally gift exchanges involving mattering. The most significant gift our benefactors confer on us is that we matter to them. That is, our benefactors communicate to us that we are valued and that we make a difference in this world. Likewise, when we express gratitude to our benefactors, we tell them that they matter to us.
17. Principle of social perspective taking
– when we put ourselves in the shoes of our benefactors, we’re better able to understand their thoughts, emotions, motivations, and intentions, and, in so doing, we become more grateful to them.
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18. Principle of the giver and the recipient
– when we engage in perspective taking, we begin to view our benefactors as givers and ourselves as recipients of gifts from them: focus on (a) the cost they incurred to help us; (b) their altruistic attitude; (c) what you like about the benefit you received; (d) the rarity of your benefactor’s actions; (e) what you admire about your benefactor’s character based on their actions; (f) the long-term influence of your benefactor’s actions on our lives; (g) stories and specific details that illustrate what our benefactors did for us; and (h) the effort they exerted to help you.
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Action in Response to Goodness
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19. Principle of verbal expression
– regularly express verbal gratitude to our benefactors; we’ll be blessing them and, we, in turn, will be blessed. This can also be done by writing and delivering a gratitude letter to them. In your gratitude expression, be specific about what you’re grateful for.
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20. Principle of relational connection
– deepen our relationship with our benefactors, e.g., by spending more time with them.
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21. Principle of practical reciprocity
– do something practical to reciprocate our benefactors (e.g., buy them a gift). Do something that our benefactors would genuinely value and not simply because we need to repay a debt.
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22. Principle of paying it forward
– extend the same kindness we received from our benefactors to others.
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23. Principle of honor
– there are occasions where we can’t reciprocate our benefactors, especially when one is grateful to God or a divine being, when our benefactor has already passed on, or other circumstances in which there is nothing we can do to reciprocate our benefactors. In such situations, gratitude can still be expressed by honoring our benefactors. For instance, we could honor our benefactors who have passed on by participating in a gratitude ritual, donating to a cause they supported, or doing something that we know would be meaningful to them.